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What if I…

August 25, 2011

The past couple of days I have been dealing with a fairly large amount of doubt…

I know that I am doing well and that all I have to do is keep on doing what I’m doing. Which is not even a hard thing to do because I love the way I live now. However, yesterday I was thinking about how in shape I feel now. I no longer feel like a sluggish fat person. If I went by how I feel alone I would think I was already thin, but then a thought entered my mind. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did… The thought was “but you have a long way to go.” Like I said this shouldn’t have been a problematic thought, but then all my past “diet” experiences came back to haunt me.

Then the “What if I” thoughts came back.


What if I never lose this weight.

What if I’m doing this all wrong.

What if I gain it all back over the coming holidays.

What if I lose all this weight, but then it comes back.

What if I fail… again.


When I think back over these times of doubt I can easily tell myself with absolute certainty that there is nothing to be worried about. I know I will lose the weight, I know I am doing this the right way, SO WHAT if I gain some of it back over the holidays, if I lose the weight and it starts coming back I will do what I already know to do, and I WILL NOT FAIL. I never failed in the past. The plans I followed were flawed and broken from the start. Sadly, in the moment it is not so easy to reassure myself.


I am, even though it sounds cheesy, on a journey. Like all long journeys this one will have it’s bumpy roads. I have met some friendly people along the way, and I will meet some more as I progress. I will come across some of the worst people I have ever met. People who want nothing more than to bash any hope I have, but that is fine. My path is clear and I have plenty of people to keep me on track along the way. If I get tired or discouraged I can count on the ones I love and the new friends I have made to keep me moving on.


Me and my puppy:

My wife sent me these pictures of my beautiful little boy while I was at work today. I love this boy more than life itself.

  1. August 26, 2011 10:51

    I think we all have those “what’s the point?” moments.My weight has been stuck for weeks, and I frequently wonder what the point is in eating this way since I can’t seem to lose any weight. Then I think about the health benefits. I’m diabetic and eating this way does keep me from feeling the physical effects of the disease. Over time, I know that it will also help to keep it under control.

    You have inspired me to try the 100 push up program. I think that adding exercise may be just what I need right now.

    • August 26, 2011 13:30

      That’s awesome that you are starting the 100 push up program. I am really enjoying it so far! I think with exercise the important thing is to do something that you enjoy. I’m not a big fan of sticking to a rigid plan if it doesn’t fit my personality and life perfectly, but so far this is a good fit for me.


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